Hello, my friends! If you have been following my blog the last two weeks, you know I have been battling migraines. In particular, the last ten days pretty much confined me to bed because of intense vertigo. I couldn’t drive, read or write much at all, and did the absolute bare essentials of my daily necessities.
All I could do was lay in bed, pray/spend time with the Lord, and watch TV. And if you know me well, you know I don’t sit for long or watch much TV. I prefer to stay active and keep busy. This was hard for me, and not just because of the physical symptoms and limitations. Spiritually, God was about to reveal an area of pride in my life. Yeah, I know. Sneaky pride. Blah!
God was at work in me, sanctifying me, I realized this after everything was stripped away: my family responsibilities, my bible reading/studies, my church small group facilitator responsibilities, and even most day-to -day routines like driving my daughter to school, were gone.
You know the most devastating realization I had when all of those “jobs” were taken away: my self-worth and identity went right along with it!! I felt like a failure, and not worth much of anything. In honesty, my deepest level of pain was the realization that my identity was in me and not in Christ.
“Sin is the despairing refusal to find your deepest identity in your relationship and service to God, writes theologian Tim Keller. “Sin is seeking to become oneself, to get an identity, apart from Him. What does this mean? Everyone gets their identity, their sense of being distinct and valuable, from somewhere or something…Human beings were made not only to believe in God…but to love Him supremely, center their lives on Him above anything else, and build their very identities on Him. Anything other than this is sin” (Voskamp, The Broken Way, emphasis mine).
God used this week and a half illness to strip me of everything, to get to the root of my sin, break into my selfish desires, and equip me with His love and the power of the Holy Spirit to become a new creation in Him.
“Love is the willingness to be interrupted. Love is the willingness to be broken into. There are never interruptions in a day–only manifestations of Christ. Your theology is best expressed in your availability and your interruptability–and ability to be broken into. This is the broken way. This is all love. And I hadn’t known–I will only love as well as I let myself be broken into” Ann Voskamp, The Broken Way.
God knows everything about you and me. He has searched us, and is familiar with all of our ways. (Psalm 139: 1-4 ) He knows of your worries to pay the bills. He knows the struggles you have with your drug addicted child. He knew I would be sick for several weeks, and lying in bed for most of it. You know what, though?! God wastes nothing! He is at work, He is always with you, and He has a plan, “to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
He used those moments when I was lying in bed, full of tears and in desperate need for Him, to break into me and reveal to me that my true identity is in Christ. Only Him, nothing in this world.
No person, job, responsibility, or material thing. Somewhere along the way, I got out of balance, and my worth became mostly based on what I did, and if I couldn’t earn my way, I wasn’t worth much to anyone. The father of lies and the enemy of my heart, ran rampant with this insecurity of mine, as I’m sure you can imagine. We all have sin, doubts, insecurities. Praise God that He uses everything, including His intense love for us to change us daily, from the inside out.
Remember this, my friends, no matter what you are going through right now, He knows.
You are loved.
You are His.
He is always at work.
He keeps His promises.
God healed me my friends. Prayers were answered! Through the evaluation of a different doctor, I was diagnosed with migraine induced vertigo and an ear infection. I was given two different prescriptions for my ailments, and I am almost back to normal physically! I can drive!! Thank you, Jesus!!
However, praise be to God that my heart and identity were changed forever because of Him.
ALL the glory to God,
Image of “2 Corinthians 5:17” by mybible.com.
Image of “A New Day” by the Christian Broadcasting Network.
Voskamp, Ann. “The Broken Way. A Daring Path into the Abundant Life.” Zondervan Publishing. Print. 2016.